First day on the Brat!!!!!!

[RustBrat]

......I *had* to begin somewhere-Bear in mind, I've just been horrifically rooked on an 86 Brat, but amongst issues of rust, New Jersey mandates that I *must* pass an emissions inspection: My first "test." As my build begins, read, laugh, cry, and learn at my expense.

 

Upon startup of a vintage Subaru Brat, when one hears a distinctive "Tick-Tick-Tick-Tick.....Buhhhh....Buhhh....Buhhh...." All of your friends will immediately cry: "Aha! You have a blown exhaust gasket!" The only way to remedy the situation will be to somehow support your car with a rusted frame and daintily position the car amidst ramps and jackstands.......The faulty gasket will need to be removed, and a new one secured in place.

 

Your tools needed:

1.) Safety Goggles.

2.) A good set of open-end wrenches.

3.) A 3/8 inch socket wrench with a full metric set.

4.) Clothes you don't mind utterly destroying.

5.) An emergency candle.

6.) A torch.

7.) The Bishop himself to pray for you.

 

(Never mind the jack and stands........It's more creative to find a different way to lift that sucker......Nope.....Won't work.......Okay. $150.00 later, we have a jack and stands.)

 

Now, back to the fun.........!

 

While under your Brat, do kindly note that upon startup, the exhaust heats to an immediate 600-degrees or so, and the gas you're chasing to plug is superheated almost immediately. Perhaps you should have noted item number 8: Gloves.

 

After you check for your emissions leak, you may note a strange sensation and smell of something cooking and burning-Yes, that's your forearm. As it turns out? You have *two* known leaks!

 

Upon realizing your newfound burn, it's common for one to sit up in an involuntary reflex. This reflex carries one's torso upwards approximately 25 inches or so.

 

The average Brat sits approximately 18-inches in the air above you on jackstands.

 

The utter shellacking of head-to-oilpan as a byproduct often leads into a shower of rust particles, bits of frame and innate hatred of one's existance. Time for a beer.

 

All better now? Perfect! It's time to tackle the gasket!

 

Upon placing the box-end-wrench on the nut, one will find that, if nothing else, after 25 years, the rusted nuts have *increased* their tenacious grip on the manifold-to y-pipe junction. They will have to be split.

 

-An old mechanic's trick, however, is to superheat the bolt with a torch, and then place an emergency candle above the nut-The capillarial action of the heat and the wax will act faster and more reliably than a penetrating oil.

 

-Hot wax tends to drip *downwards* due to sheer gravity. Perhaps it wasn't such a smooth move to position oneself *directly* under the bolt.

 

-What a great idea! The bolt broke free! Unfortunately, in your excitement, you've failed to realize that the wrench will travel *exactly* 1/8 of an inch before it strikes something metallic, and must be repositioned. Of course, you're certainly relieved that your knuckles have smashed the inner fender and absorbed the majority of the impact to protect your precious and fragile steel tools!

 

-Thankfully, "Blood Red" has nothing to do with a Subaru's paint scheme. You now have added "Custom Engine Bay Decorations."

 

-Of course, the most common reaction of your newfound artistic genius is to scream to the world......!

 

-Much like an avalanche, rust tends to gravitate to open cavities. Thankfully, it is yummy and tasty, satisfying the same dietary function as liver and spinach for an iron supplement......!

 

-With a thorough "Yank!" The y-pipe comes loose in a heartbeat-As the exhaust positions itself conveniently between one's legs.

 

-At that moment, item number 9 comes to mind: An athletic supporter and a cup.

 

-With one's newfound ability to sing as high as Frankie Valli, you're sure to impress the neighbors. Regrettably, in your 150-decibel celebration of Soprano sound, you've failed to notice that you're orchestrating in profanity much like Mozart on the piano. Thankfully, a large rust chunk enters the oral cavity to remind you of decent usages of the English language.

 

-At such point, one's natural reflex is to involuntarily sit up approximately 24-inches or so.

 

-Once more, the average Brat sits 18-inches in the air on jackstands.

 

-Gasket remover is caustic stuff; upon application, a reminder of caution exists as a hunk of old gasket conveniently lands on one's unprotected forehead as "food for thought," causing an involuntary reflex of the torso to sit up 24-inches or so.......!

 

 

-Now, with three distinct lumps and a chemical burn on one's forehead, let's get down to the nitty-gritty, shall we?

 

-Eager to exploit one's newfound mechanical prowess, it's a matter of excitement to tear apart the plastic bag containing the new gaskets. Thankfully, Subaru's precise engineering has led to sharply edged plates, neatly slicing the fingers.

 

-Time for another beer.

 

-With newfound precision of a Subaru surgeon, and the new gaskets in place, it's time to re-mount the y-pipe. As you put the nut on the stud, you will once again become keenly aware that your wrench will move exactly 1/8 of an inch before it strikes something metallic and must be repositioned......!

 

-The moral of the story?

 

On an EA81 Brat, the air pump itself has a secondary outlet which dead-ends in the air cleaner at a check-valve. When the valve fails, it will create a "tick....tick....tick.....Buhhhh....Buhhhh.....Buhhhh...." sound........Which all of your friends will tell you is caused by a faulty exhaust gasket-The only way to remedy the problem is to replace the faulty gasket...........!

 

......When all you had to do was to replace a $12.00 snap-in valve in the first place.......!

 

Welcome to my Brat!

[GeneralDisorder]

On an EA81 Brat, the air pump itself has a secondary outlet which dead-ends in the air cleaner at a check-valve.

 

An interesting narative - however there is no "air pump" on an EA81 so I'm not sure what you are talking about.... if you are talking about the Air Injection System then replacing the reed valve assembly and the silencer would cost a considerably larger amount than $12 unless you got the parts used.... So what is it you are talking about?

 

GD

[xoomer]

Good read? you kept this drunk busy for a few minutes

[stephen115]

Nice!

[biffanyus]

Im not sure if hes correct on what he is talking about but what a funny post... Great stuff...

[Subruise]

you have a future in journalism/books. might be a good way to get a new brat when that one evaporates.

 

 

 

RV

[987687]

Invest in ratcheting box end wrenches. You'll curse every normal box end wrench you ever use afterwards.

 

Why didn't you use a socket wrench with a extension to remove the exhaust bolts? You can get way more than a turn that way... anyway, nice read.