The Ballad of BOB the FrankenBRAT, (kinda long)

[s'ko]

I bought the BRAT is 2004, the 19th day of the second month at night.

Not the prettiest but a good score, the price of $550 was just right.

Bought it for a friend that I know, for business of lawn shaping.

He'd use it to make his dough, as payment I would be taking.

Then when he got his own truck, I would buy it back from him.

With these terms the deal was struck, it was good, we both would win.

Went to the junkyard to look for loot, and what a treasure we found

Jumper seat and the frame to boot, wagon wheels just lying around.

Then a new fender soon would grace, for the driver’s side there was a dent

Then a push bar went on his face, with some lights underneath went

He was named BOB merely because, his license plate did state it

With care and patience changes was, making him appear less faded.

 

As sometimes in life deals go bad, and the payments were not made

So repo BOB no choice I had, although the friendship stayed.

Now in my care and the tags a due, it’s off to smog I go

I failed the test and was flagged anew, as a gross polluter, oh no.

Many months of research and repair, mostly on USMB

But the elusive problem was still there, no sign of victory.

The EGR was blocked and plugged, the vacuum lines were all crossed

Nothing worked, it was all bugged, I was at a total loss.

So I kept failing in order to get, a monthly moving pass

Time I spent I do forget, too much according to my lass

Soon the biggest test yet to rise, is coming into sight

And BOB the BRAT to survive, I must put up a valiant fight.

 

The days of singlehood for me, started to set and fade

August 28th, 2005 you see, I was engaged and a promise made

To wed I would to my sweet dear, not the BRAT you must know

But her feelings for BOB were all clear, less affection I must show

So money was diverted away, to pay for our wedding plans

Greasy hands happened less everyday, as less used were the jack stands

Then friend of mine, that hardy chum, borrowed it for a day.

I get it back the tranny’s done, in 4th gear it would stay.

So off to the junkyard to look for parts, a dual range tranny I did loom

Popped it in and as it starts, I drive headlong into DOOM

Can you guess what happens next, what calamity befalls

You’ll have to wait a bit perplexed, for another paragraph calls

 

The castle nut was not torqued and tight, to the proper tightness

So it came loose to my fright, what happens is this horrible frightness

Driving down the road at 65, the driver’s side wheel ejects

Fighting the steering to stay alive, a Honda Civic wheel it wrecks.

Back to my junkyard the parts I find, to fix my (somewhat) trusty steed.

Back together and just in time, to do the marrying deed (12/5/04)

So for a while BOB does sit, as I spend time with my wife.

And not passing smog could it be it, the end of his Subaru life?

In the back of my mind I still do try, to determine all that ails

Oil blowby on the list is high, of the cause of my SMOG fails

Engine Rebuild or engine replace, what should I do o what to do.

The problem stares me in the face, and I haven’t got a clue.

 

Then stumble upon a worthy Soob, one willing to sacrifice

His tranny is shot, from lack of lube, but his engine will suffice.

A wagon of EA81 vintage, was parted and cut and scrapped

Ahh the horror, the frightful visage, his organs in storage slapped

The engine went into BOB, to help him pass the SMOG test

The other parts as I said were lobed, in storage, to take a rest.

To be called on in future need, to replace damaged parts

In order to preserve the breed, just like his transplanted heart

Well then the tranny decides to die, shifting become a labored task

1st and 2nd grind and cry, 3rd pops out when you go fast.

And so is this it for poor BOB, crippled and lame he went.

For another year poor BOB, in disuse it was spent.

 

Then in November of 2006, the madness it did start.

In the garage for a major fix, and an EJ18 heart.

Challenges and trials were unforeseen, to make all work right

Weld, Wrench, ULT SOOB in between, asking for help in my plight

Adapter problems, flywheels too, lift blocks and the whole mess

Clutches dying, wires turned to goo. My wrenching skills did test.

Retrofitting everything, that Subaru has made

The chassis being the only thing, from 1982 that stayed

But now the ballad draws to close, and the end is soon at hand

For despite the 9 month full of woes, I have reached the promise land.

BOB passed SMOG, dontcha know, and California has certified

That his EJ18 hearts good to go, it is complete, truly alive.

So as this tale draws to an end, the last I must do

Is go to the DMV and 30 dollars spend, to register you know who….

[NocturneVoyager]

It's ALIVE! ALIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE!

 

Oh that was awesome! Almost brought a tear to me eye. Congrats on your success after so many trials!

[cobcob]

Good luck at the DMV, it can be the armpit of satan in there some days!

[Sweet82]

GO SK'o!

 

...but don't give up your day job...

[86BRATMAN]

Very nice read.

Inspiring indeed.

The ballot of Bob the Brat,

at times he wondered where you we at.

 

For all the hard work, and challenges that be,

A congradulation is due to you, from me.

 

 

 

Sorry I couldn't help myself.

[PoorManzImpreza]

lol still laughing... :burnout:

Kaz

[nipper]

Wow im impressed,

Thats the best

 

 

 

 

nipper

[Scott F]

I only right poetry to a woman I am in love with...

 

Don't let your wife see this.

[Loyale 2.7 Turbo]

Very Nice!...

[LPGsuperchargedBrumby]

s'ko.....thats a legendary subaru ballard dude.........

 

by the way...what kinda milage are you getting out of the ej18?